I skipped work to stalk him.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Randomize
