also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
