Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Buhtt sex?
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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