Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
