OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
