i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
