i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Randomize
