He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
We have so much sex to catch up on
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
