A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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