I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
