Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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