girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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