If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
