I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Randomize