Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
