i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
