Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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