Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
