my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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