if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
