If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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