I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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