i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
