There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
