I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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