I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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