You can't special order awesome
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
