just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
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