i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
