Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
