dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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