Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
