I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
