I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
i am craving dick and cupcakes
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
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