i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
