did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Randomize
