Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
