If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Randomize
