apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
