Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Randomize
