Cold hands, warm shart.
I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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