just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Randomize
