Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
