his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
