but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
