I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
So much rum. So many feels.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
