stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
