Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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