Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
i think i have two assholes
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
