We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
well you can't waste a boner
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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