i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
