actually, I'm a sock model
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
