my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
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