Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
