If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
