update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
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